“My core is terrible!” said the beautiful woman standing before me as she slapped herself in the belly. “I have been slacking off lately, and I am weak.”
I hear this type of thing so often. Especially during my 12 years as a spa & fitness director.
Recently, I asked a new Pilates client what she hoped to gain from our sessions together and she said, “I hate my stomach. Can you make it go away?” I gently said, “I think you might need your stomach, so how about we get your muscles working again, be kind to your belly, and see what happens.”
My hunch is that you have heard something similar from a friend or family member within the past few days if not hours. It seems to be acceptable, even expected, to verbally insult, bully, judge and ridicule our own bodies and appearance.
Think about it.
When was the last time you heard a woman say, “I love my legs” or “I love my skin” or “I love my anything?” If she did say this, we may be quick to judge her as conceited or narcissistic. The truth is that the more we loath ourselves, judge our bodies and our worthiness, the sicker, fatter, and sadder we get.
I know what feeling negative about myself and my body feels like.
Like many, it started in my early teens, spurred by a few insults from a boy, comparing myself to the glossy images in magazines and catalogs and looking for validation from outside myself. My nose and feet were too big, my hair too frizzy, my eyes too small, and my body was gross. I medicated these negative emotions with chips, soda, cigarettes, and occasionally alcohol.
Fortunately, in my late teens I began to practice Yoga and Pilates and quickly discovered I could change my appearance, how I felt about my body, and my energy. I began to get strong, flexible, and more graceful, which, for a natural born klutz like me felt like a miracle.
It wasn’t until much later when working with a life coach that I questioned my negative self-talk and became more comfortable in my skin. She asked me if I would ever say such negative things to my best friend. My answer was, “No way.” I don’t think these issues are unique to me.
In fact I wonder if lots of women are putting their needs last and beating themselves up for not feeling pretty, sexy or energetic enough.
I often hear things like, “I can’t do Yoga because I am too busy, too old, too fat” or my favorite, “too stiff.” The truth is that we can’t hate ourselves thin or healthy. Waiting until you feel better to do something that makes you feel better never works.
The next time you hear yourself being mean to you, pretend you are saying those things to your best friend. It will shine some light on the frequency of your negative thoughts and help you make different choices.
Take one tiny action today that is loving and kind toward yourself. Before you know it, you will be closer to being the person you know you can be – happier, healthier and especially kinder to yourself and your best friend.
By the way, the client that wanted to “get rid” of her stomach was 74 years old, ended up learning the entire level I Pilates sequence over 3 months and is very happy with her strong belly and flexible spine.